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Movie Review – Fantasy Island

This film is so abysmally bad I wasn’t even going to bother with a review after I watched it yesterday, but if this review keeps anyone else from wasting their time then I guess writing this is worth it.

I’m usually all in for bad horror movies because sometimes they can achieve so-bad-they-are-good status (Hatchet, I’m looking at you) but Blumhouse’s Fantasy Island gets nowhere near that kind of redemption. The reimagining of the old TV show into a horror film for teenagers didn’t even sound like a good idea so I can’t say I’m surprised.

Five Americans land on a remote tropical island to live out their biggest fantasy. Two shallow brothers want guilt free sex and alcohol. One twenty something wants revenge on the girl who picked on her in high school. One woman wants to have her biggest regret changed, even when she changes what that regret is halfway through the film. One man wants to see how his father died while serving in the military. And then there’s Michael Rooker who runs around the jungle with a machete trying to “save people” for no apparent reason.

Maggie Q’s character is the only one with an even remotely interesting backstory and her performance is the only stand out. Had the film just been about her, it would have had a fighting chance. The other characters are unredeemable, unlikable, unheroic, and narcissistic.

For the third act we get not one, but two, twists about who is really having their fantasy brought to life. It’s predictable, to put it mildly, and not at all well done. Not even the tipsiness from our pre-movie brunch mimosas made this movie enjoyable.

I give it one out of four stars, and that one star is for Maggie Q. Save your money and skip this one, or spend it on the Hedgehog.

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